Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I cannot believe how much has happened in the last few months since I broke up with Tyler. So much about my perspective and what I want out of life has changed. My happiness used to revolve around how well he was doing or if he was lying to me again. All that mattered was that I was being successful at keeping him on track while I barely focused on my own goals and health. It's pretty obvious to me now how stupid that was and what a negative impact that has had on my life.
I feel like I can do whatever I want with my life now. School starts up again on Monday and I know it is going to be a top priority for me to keep my grades as high as possible and to do as well as I can. I am seriously considering law school and I hope that I allow myself to reach that high because I know that I am capable. I want to get my own place and get out on my own, independently, because I know that I can do it. I know that just me is good enough in my life and as much as I may care about Kyle, I know that I have to keep this type of mindset. I've had a lot of set backs and heart ache in the last year and a half and I am hoping that my luck might turn around a little bit. I am hoping that I can allow myself to let go with him and to know that it's okay if I am happy. I have a hard time allowing myself to feel that way for some reason and it needs to stop.
Now I just need to get a job. Because not one single thing that I want to do with my life is going to be cheap.