Monday, September 13, 2010

Reality Check

So damn naïve, believed in everything you said
Little did I know the lies were in your head
I'd be a fool if I said I didn't feel it too
Deep down in my gut I knew that you weren't true

I guess I thought that loved would make it last
But everything around us was changing too fast
Betrayals took over, you lost all self control
Felt so much pain I had to numb my soul

Everything we were supposed to be
Couldn't set us free
Everything we were supposed to do
Couldn't pull us through

I wish that I could hate you, so I could let go
But our absolute dysfunction is all that I know
I can't believe how much that I still care
When its so clear the truth was never there

I think its kinda funny when you still try to lie
When every ounce of trust I had continues to die
And even though I care and I wish you the best
All I want to do now is put you and me to rest

Everything we were supposed to be
Couldn't set us free
Everything we were supposed to do
Couldn't pull us through
-jordan stocking'10

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Even though I have to wake up for school in five hours, I feel so absolutely alive. I am blessed. After a bit of a stressful weekend, I realize what a strong support system I have and it just blows me away. My family is always behind me and constantly offering their support, love, and kind words when they see me fall or start to bring myself down. Blake is my constant reminder of a true and loyal friend and he is always there to give me a reality check and to show me when to let go and to not let stuff get to me. That, and he is an amazing inspiration just by being himself.

And then there's Kyle. Fuck, there is so much I could say about this amazing person that wandered into my life two months ago. He is such a strong light in my life and he is constantly taking away my pain just by being around me. My body literally calms down when he is around. Besides that, he has put up with quite a bit already and been put in some pretty awkward situations and he is still able to maintain a positive, happy attitude through it all. I can't believe how in love with him I am, especially after all the pain I went through in my last relationship. I honestly thought I would never trust anyone again, but I trust Kyle 100%. He hasn't given me a reason to question his character one bit and I love that about him. I've never had the type of butterflies that he gives me, it is just insane how much chemistry and attraction that I feel towards him. God, he is just so damn amazing. <3

I just gotta keep on pushing through with my life because i finally feel like I am making the right choices. I can't wait to see what the future brings and I can't wait to share my life with Kyle. God, it is scary how sure I am about him.. but there is no way I am letting go of someone so perfect for me just because I am afraid to hurt again.