Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Free yourself from yourself

Te ipsam a te ipsa libera... Free yourself from yourself.

Honestly.. my biggest obstacle in life has been me. I wish I could define the point in life where I stopped being open-minded, care-free, and happy. I can't define the point where I woke up and decided that for whatever reason I wasn't good enough, I wasn't perfect just the way I was, that I could no longer be happy because something was missing.

I was missing acceptance... love...and the ability to relate to other people.
No one could possibly begin to understand what I was going through. I was above it all, but for some reason that brought me down so low. My form of suffering was unique, special, and filled with arrogance. How could I possibly have been so young?

It's been a hard place to come back from. Drilling these unforgiving lessons into my head for the last 7 or 8 years and then I wonder how things got so bad. I'm done with it all.

I have one focus in life right now and that is Love in all forms. Love for myself, love for others, and love and appreciation for my daily life and all that it contains. Life is a confusing mess of sadness and amazing moments, but I am done shortchanging myself just because of fear. I have no reason to be afraid, no reason at all. I know that I am a good, kind, and amazing person. I know this because I feel that strength on a daily basis. I know my own truth and I know that the world around me is much deeper than what I see on the surface. I'm not running from who I am or what has been in my past, but I am willing to forgive myself and to love myself because it is something I can for sure hold onto. I'm tired of analyzing what happiness is and trying to fit it into society's picture of what that means.

This is why I take the word's "free yourself" so seriously. I have been my biggest enemy all along and made life that much harder on myself. I am ready to drop all the excess crap that was never necessary to begin with. Most of all, I am ready to forgive myself. I'm tired of being mad at myself for my adolescence. I'm ready to turn the page and just leave it all behind...and to live openly and freely..

I promise, I promise, I promise... to be open to all that comes my way and to not be afraid of any of it.