Be Open

So, I've started to notice a trend about today's society. Alright, not necessarily just barely noticing, but people are so self-centered and fixed on their own ideas.

Now, I know I say this as I sit and write on a personal blog so it may come across as hypocritical but that's not what I mean. I actually think it's a good thing that more people are sharing their stories and their thoughts. Back when I first started blogging, I didn't know of a single person that did it. What bothers me is the lack of understanding that people have for other's viewpoints, opinions, etc.

I know that living in Utah can be pretty tense for someone who isn't the typical LDS mindset. I have nothing against LDS people so let me put that out there first and foremost. I think that there are a lot of great people who belong to their church and that the ideals of the church aren't necessarily that bad until people become extremists with them. Unfortunately, there are a lot of mormons that can come across as very judgmental and ruin it for the rest of them. Growing up, I was told multiple times that my parents were going to hell because I went to church but they didn't. Eventually, I got sick of all the nonsense and decided to pull away from it because I was sick of being singled out just because my parents weren't active. I don't regret pulling away from it at all and personally, organized religion just isn't for me. However, that being said, I do believe that the church can bring people together in a good way as well.

I don't really care what someone's religion is to be honest. It's not even about that. I bring it up because it is a huge reason for the divide in this state, but I know that your religion doesn't necessarily define everything you think. What bothers me is people that are so extreme in their views (and this can apply to any topic, not just politics) that they can't even open up their mind to what someone else thinks. They completely shut out other viewpoints, get extremely angry and defensive, and then don't even bother to give real support for their own ideas. This is not okay to me and shows a huge lack of character in my eyes. I remember being constantly frustrated in high school (Riverton, not Itineris) because any time I would open up about any of my viewpoints I would immediately have 6 or 7 people attacking me and they were all repeating the same exact thing verbatim as if they really had no thoughts of their own. Numbers don't always equal power, it just magnifies the ability for people to become sheep. Plus, if people had actually taken the time to stop being so defensive, they might have realized that I agreed with them a lot more than they thought.

If you really believe something so strongly, shouldn't you be confident enough to listen without feeling threatened by another's viewpoint? Some of the most defining shifts in my ideals throughout my lifetime have come from my ability to just sit and listen and then actually admit that I am on the wrong page. It's amazing how much you can grow as a person if you just really listen to what others have to say. Will they always be right? No. But you're missing out on the growth experience in life if you can't be open enough to just listen. It won't "pollute" your morals to hear the other side. In fact, it should make your morals that much stronger.

So, there's my rant for today. People need to be a lot more open-minded because without the ability to grow and learn, we become nothing. We don't move forward, we don't get better, and we waste the little time that we do have to make something of ourselves.

Just something to think about; doesn't mean you have to agree with me. ;)

Future and Finances

Life is going pretty well. With my new job, comes money and the chance to start saving up for certain things and making goals in my life. I don't think that money is all that matters, but without it there is not a lot we can do in life. It's a crappy reality, but it's true.

So, my goals for the near future and why I am going to be working as much overtime as possible at my new job:

1) Pay my credit card off
2) Buy a new laptop
3) Pay my car off
4) Move out
5) Pay my school loan off

Hopefully, in that order but I know that life isn't that simple so I don't expect it to all go perfectly. Pretty much I want to put as much as I can into savings this summer and I'll probably get a new computer right before school. I've already priced it out and I'm about $400 away right now (which isn't bad at all), but I don't want to empty my savings all at once. So I'm not going to.

I'm not going to lie. It's a great feeling having money that I don't have to pay back. So far, since I quit my last job, I've been living off of a private loan. Even though I've been able to do just fine, it sucked knowing that every cent I borrowed was going to have to be paid off in the future. It was nice to get my first paycheck yesterday and know that all of that money was mine to spend/save however I wanted.

The biggest factor in all of this is whether or not I get to continue my job after this summer. I'm guaranteed a job this summer, but after that it will depend on if they can work with my school schedule. I'm hoping yes especially since I'm already loving what I get to do as well as the people in my department. It would be awesome to get hired for sure after this summer so that I can have a sure thing. I don't want to have to retrain again either.

Anyway, quick update again and probably pretty boring but I've been too busy to be anymore creative.

Quick Update: New Job and Hiking

So big shock, I've been really busy with starting work. This last week has gone pretty decent actually. I've had to work a little bit with my body to get it to cooperate with me, but so far things have been going great and I love my new job. I'm doing a lot of training right now which can get really redundant, but it's by far the best company I've ever worked for and I could see myself working for them for a long time. I'm excited to finally have an opportunity to get somewhere in life and to start saving up so that I can move out again.

So between working and having appointments, errands, and things to get done I've been pretty exhausted. I've had a little bit of down time though to spend with Kyle in the evenings as well as seeing Blake on the weekends. We went on a beautiful hike on Sunday because it was one of the few days that's been really warm. It was so nice to get away and get outdoors where all the crap in life seems to finally disappear. Just helps put things into perspective after going through so much all the time. Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick update.

Here are some pictures from the hike:







Enjoy your week. :)

Frustration with Illness

I'm so sick of being in pain. It's exhausting, it's isolating, and it's just getting plain old. I wonder if it will ever end or if it will end with me? All I wish is that I had an answer to fix it so I could just live a normal life and do everything I want to do and actually even have a bit of a social life. I feel like every day is one long big chore because it's that hard to get through most of the time. I guess I should just be thankful for what I do have and stop bitching about what I don't because I can't change the cards I've been dealt. I've got to stay positive because if I don't, then I don't have anything good coming out of this. I just have to do the best I can because there's not much more that I can do. I just wish that I had someone who could understand it on the same level that I do, someone who actually goes through it.

I feel like everything I've ever wanted out of life has had to be dulled down to compensate for what I'm going through. I feel like I could've done so much more if I wasn't held back by something so permanently debilitating. I probably would've gone farther with my degrees and probably would've tried harder for veterinary school. It just wasn't an option for me when I have to work my ass of just to sit in class everyday because I'm in so much pain.

Anyway, what do I want for the future?

1) I want to get married. I want to be able to be a good wife and a positive companion and to not be stressing/anxious all the damn time.

2) I want kids. Just two. I want to be able to be a good parent and be able to spend time with them without worrying about being sick in front of them. I want to be able to provide for them and give them everything they need.

3) I want to travel. I don't even really care where, I just want to see different parts of the world and have crazy experiences.

4) I want to maintain a successful career so I can bring in the necessary finances required to steps 1-3 and so that I can feel like I am doing something positive/rewarding with my life.

5) I want to have fun. I want to be able to spontaneously take off whenever I want and do pretty much anything my heart desires without anxiety over getting sick. I want to be able to form relationships with people without holding myself back because I don't want to even have to begin to explain why I live my life the way I do.

6) I want to just be happy. I want to be able to appreciate every day of my life and the people in it.

And guess what? I can do 1-6 without being cured. It's just going to be 100x harder, but it's worth it. I don't want to make excuses the rest of my life either. I'm just going to have to take things day by day, stop feeling sorry for myself, and start getting past this. I'm so sick of letting it consume my every day life. I'm so sick of letting pain take over.

Update: Change In Diet.. Again.

Alright, so I finally got sick of being on my extreme diet. I got sick of constantly being exhausted, starving, and irritable and still having my stomach hurt. So, I broke it last night. I'm still going to try to eat as healthy as I can and stay away from alcohol, soda, milk, etc but it's just not worth it anymore. I'm finally starting to realize what a bunch of crap homeopathic medicine is and it sucks, but it's reality check time.

It's been going pretty good so far. I have a lot more energy and was able to actually run farther than I usually do today. However, my stomach is still about the same. I'll figure it out though. I'd rather have energy then not if my stomach is the same either way. Just gotta keep fighting and it's nothing new.

I start my new job on Monday and I can't wait. As nice as it's been to have some time off, I am getting pretty bored and restless. So, it will be nice to have something to do during the day especially since it's a job I am interested in. I'm also trying to read and write a lot more which is going pretty good so far. I've actually been writing offline a lot more just because it's a totally different experience. As soon as Kyle starts work, I'll probably be able to spend my evenings reading while he does homework so that will be nice.

Alright, there's my quick update for now. :)

Good Karma

The good karma just keeps on coming. Finally! Ha ha. So, I'm still dealing with my body but its a daily challenge and I'm just going to keep facing it because there's not a lot I can do to change that.

I got a job, finally, and I'm actually really excited to work for this company. I'll be working at Nelson Labs in an internship position for the summer at least and hopefully after that their goal is to get me into a permanent position. The only thing holding me back, of course, is my class schedule in the fall. Wow, I can't wait to be done with school so that can stop holding me back. Anyway, it's a great company from my first impression so far and it seems like they really take care of their employees so I'm hoping everything works out because I really need a stable career at this point in my life. It's time to start paying off debts and saving up to move out.

My brother's band also won the cinco de X competition through x96. Unfortunately, he won't get to play in it because of training but it's still pretty cool that they won. It took a lot of support because it was pretty much based off of votes, but I'm glad they won and I hope it takes them further.

I just have a lot to be grateful/happy about in life right now. Besides my stupid body, things are going good. Kyle is going to be starting school in two weeks and I'm so excited for him. I know it's going to be hard for him, but I also know that he is capable of doing well. Things are also going pretty well for me and him and I'm happy that I still have an honest, open, and strong relationship.

Plus, it can't stay cold much longer.


So, yes, life is good. :)