Thursday, July 26, 2012

Never did I expect...

Never did I expect or see what was coming my way. Two years ago, four years ago, six years ago, my mindset was so completely different. My attitude towards life was so skeptical and I'm sure a little bit of teenage angst had to do with it, but it's amazing what changes have come my way. No matter what, I am glad I stuck through it all. I am glad that I was able to slowly change my habits and become a happier, healthier, person.

I will always strive for more, but I can't believe what a good place I am in right now, in this moment. I never would've thought I could buy my own house at 21 or that I would be able to start a great career so young. I wasn't sure if I'd graduate college or if I'd ever be in a functional healthy relationship. I wasn't sure if I could ever just love myself, as I am, faults and all. I was wrong. I can, I do, I am.

I know that it's cheesy, but this is me being vulnerable and not letting fear take over. I've worked hard to focus on the positive, to focus on love, to be open to others even if they are not open to me. I've been given a lot of challenges in the past 3-4 years. Challenges that have brought me to the realization of so much more than I could've imagined. Me being sick for so long really has been such a great push for me to grow and learn. It sucks being an outcast sometimes, but I've learned to appreciate the little things and I've learned that every single person has a hidden battle. Every person is someone's child and more often than not people are just looking to give love or receive love. I really believe that for the most part, it really is that simple.

I love everything about life right now. I love the every day challenges I face because I keep conquering them and that makes me feel amazingly powerful. Realizing the strength that I have both physically and mentally has just pushed me to a whole different level of gratitude. I'm thankful for the people that are still in my life to this day. It may not be many, but they are very, very true and I couldn't love them more than I do.

I'm thankful for Kyle because of his assistance in getting me on a more positive path. The path is and will be my own, but he showed me that positive patterns and people do in fact exist. I am lucky as hell to have someone like him in my life and I hope to continue our journey together for the rest of our lives.
I'm thankful for my babies. They bring so much joy to my life on a daily basis just by being them. I love coming home from a hard day at work and snuggling up with them.
I'm thankful for Blake because he has shown me that true friendships do exist. That it's not just friendships that are based on shallow interactions that are out there. I miss him a lot, but I will never stop loving him. He's been such a huge part of my journey, good and bad.
I'm thankful for my family despite any challenges that we have faced. I know that I always have a place to go or a phone call home when things get scary and that means the world because for the longest time I didn't think anyone could be there for me. Funny how it's right in front of my face sometimes.
I'm thankful for my new family, Kyle's family. After my past, I've been cautious to find acceptance and love but they have shown me nothing but those two things. They are amazing people and I can see exactly where Kyle came from.
I'm thankful for my job and the people I work with. Work, for the most part, always goes by fast. I'm grateful that I can go to a place and get paid to work hard (but enjoy my job) and laugh all day. My career has only been more proof to me that I can overcome my physical struggles and still accomplish what I want to in life.

Yes, I know it's not thanksgiving but I am just overwhelmed with peace in my life right now. Days like today are a constant reminder to me to just sit back and enjoy life. To appreciate all of the little things and to push through the bad.

This is a mindset that I want to have always. Life may not be perfect, but I will always remember this feeling and these lessons when life gets rough.