Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Enough Already.

Wow. It must suck to know that after everything you've done, that you are still lying. I know for sure about one lie and I am 95% sure about the other one and it just amazes me that you still continue to lie. But it also makes me breathe a sigh of relief. I know I made the right choice; I think I've always known that. I just can't believe you can continue with this fake illusion that you call living. I wish that, for yourself, you would wake up and stop doing that to the people in your life and to for once, just be an honest person. Anyway, it doesn't even matter anymore, I just want you to know that you still suck at it and I wish you would knock it off. I couldn't make you change after 5 1/2 years though, so it probably isn't going to happen.

Wasn't it ever enough? I mean there is only so many times you can get caught and continue to do so. There is only so many times you can watch people who care about you be destroyed by your actions and your inability to grow up and just be honest. You still continue to bullshit me and tell me how you have life so figured out finally and how you are a better person and how you had all these plans for your life. I was genuinely happy for you, but you know what.. it's probably all a lie.

I'm frustrated and I'm angry because every single day I wonder if something else with us was a lie. So many things that I didn't even notice and now I can't get them out of my head because I know that I wasn't worth giving the truth to and that I still am not. And that is why we probably won't ever even be friends... because that's a pretty shitty friendship especially when I know for sure you are still lying. Don't worry, it wasn't even close to that point anyway, but just wow.. I can't believe the web of betrayal that you created and how, even now, you just keep spinning it.

And you know what.. I didn't deserve the way you treated me. I didn't deserve to be in the type of relationship I was in. I did deserve someone who respected me enough to be honest with me and who could build a happy and healthy relationship with me. I deserved to create a good, solid future with someone and to get married and to start a family. But all that was taken away because of one thing and one thing only.

I guess all I can say now is thank you because at least I won't have to wonder for the rest of my life. Now, I know.

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