Monday, September 26, 2011

Still Trucking Along...

I am constantly changing. Who I am today, yesterday, and tomorrow is all different. I think I have it figured out and I am constantly proving myself wrong. It's amazing how something as simple as who I am is a question, but it is and that's not necessarily frightening to me. I like that I am open to change. It means that my life will always get better instead of stand in one miserable place. I have had to do a lot of work lately: facing my issues and facing my feelings. Ever since I was 13, I've taught myself to internalize. I actually prided myself in how good I was at hiding my emotions and keeping my cool no matter how hard things got. I've had to let that go the last few weeks. I've had to feel, to react, and to let go and I know that sounds easy but it's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I have started seeing a new doctor that works with releasing emotions and it is making a difference for me. It's a constant battle, I hate doing it, and it's uncomfortable as hell. It's right though and It's what I need to be doing. I'm just hoping that THIS is my answer because I am so ready to be pain free and happy. There are so many things I want to do with my life that I feel are taken from me because of my body. It's time to move forward.

Kyle and I are doing really well. Our relationship is getting stronger on a daily basis and I am so very lucky to have someone like him by my side. We're still waiting to hear back on our offers on the house, but we did expect this to be a slow process. In fact, we hope it does take a while because it gives us more time to build up money so that we have less stress when it does happen. Last weekend we went up to Park City because I wanted Kyle to ride the Alpine Slide since he never has. We both got to ride the Alpine Coaster for the first time as well which was actually really fun. I loved getting some down time with him especially in such a pretty area.

I love life. I love who I am and who I am changing and becoming on a daily basis. I know that I can do and be better though. I am pretty sure that as soon as my bachelor's degree is finished this december I will start making some serious efforts to improve myself. I'm not sure what exactly that entails but it's something I will always work on.

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