Fighting for your life.

I used to take my life for granted and think that the smallest things were such a huge inconvenience. I used to not really care about myself and lived in a self-destructive cycle of numbness. Then, I grew up and realized that the only person who can and who will fight for myself is me. I get tired of hearing people complain about being so unhappy and giving themselves a grocery list of excuses for why their life sucks. And I know life can be a bitch and that bad stuff happens everyday and I know that we all have struggles. Guess what? All anyone has control over is their own actions, their own attitude, and their own choices. If you want to choose to make bad decisions and to have a crappy attitude, then good riddance because your life is going to continue on the path to shit central. If you want to make an actual game plan to improve your life and to find what makes you happy, then you will eventually get there. It doesn't mean it will be easy, but nothing in life should be if it's really important. If your whole life is easy, then you have a serious problem you might want to examine.

I figured this out a long time ago, but it really hit at 18. I thought that I should take out all my problems on those that were close to me and blame it on everyone who wasn't perfect in my life. It was stupid and I learned quickly that 90% of the time the problem is within myself and can be fixed. It's hard to set aside our pride and admit that you were wrong, but I think it's what finally got me to a point in life where I can create my own happiness.

I face a lot of struggles in life on a daily basis and often it can make me feel extremely down. It is hard to appreciate life 100% of the time when I am in constant physical pain. It's hard to reach out to others when I feel the need to isolate and hide my problems because they are too embarrassing or hard to talk about. It's hard for me to keep moving forward with the same positive attitude when for 3 years I have struggled with something far worse then what I struggled with when I was a teenager. It makes me want to kick myself in the ass for being so stupid when I was 14 and for not seeing the bigger picture when my life was still pretty easy. It also makes me realize that all I have is the now and today. If I think today is bad, tomorrow may be even worse. So I appreciate my life as much as I can, forgive myself when I get down, and keep moving forward. Because its the only healthy direction I can survive in.

I didn't ever expect my life to go in this direction, but I realize that I am where I am for a reason and I just have to be happy with the good and see the bad as a learning experience.