Thursday, July 15, 2010


New hair. <3 Two hours later and this is what I got. I actually am pretty damn happy with it. I always get so bored with the way I look, so I am sure this will be a consistent change for me.

Pretty much, if I think about it, my life revolves around change. At least as far back as i can remember, something in my life has been changing. My family, boys, moving to the dorms, moving to an apartment, leaving tyler, switching schools, switching majors (3x), changing my appearance (countless times), changing friends, gaining friends, getting laila, experiencing sickness, fighting my way back to health, etc. I've always been told that I need to find some consistency in my life, but to be honest I find consistency the scariest concept of all. When you are willing to keep your life the same, you close off your ability to learn and grow and I am nowhere near the point.

I feel like I know a lot about life at 20 years old because of what I have gone through. And even though a majority of what I have experienced is completely my fault, I still don't regret it. I am who I am because I have survived. As far as recent lessons go, I finally feel like I am not holding myself back because of my past. I used to be so angry and constantly searched for people to blame my problems on. I would be angry because someone didn't care enough or someone didn't step up when I needed them. Eventually, everyone would leave (don't blame them) lol and then I was angry because I felt like all my doubts were confirmed. I've learned to separate myself from people and from life in general, but for once I am looking at my future and I am not afraid to hold my head up high. I am doing the only thing that I can possibly do at this point and that is to control my actions and my attitude. Everything else is just going to get chaotic and to be honest, I can't wait. <3

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