Thursday, January 27, 2011

My Body.

So, if you know me closely, you'll know that I am constantly sick/in pain and have been since 2008. In 2008, after many tests and frustrating procedures, I was told that I had IBS or irritable bowel syndrome. As far as I know, there is no cure of fix for this and all I can do is manage it the best I can. I've learned more about it in college (mostly on accident) and pretty much know that every time I eat food, my body thinks I am consuming something toxic and attacks itself.

It's been an extremely long journey trying to live a normal and functional life. This is the reason why I have hold myself back quite a bit in life and also what makes me fear the future the most. It's pretty hard to imagine accomplishing what I want to when I am always hurting. I used to be embarrassed about this condition and not want to talk about it because let's face it... most people don't even have to worry in the slightest about things like this. I just don't care anymore. My life is what it is and I'm not ashamed to talk about something that is a HUGE component of my life. Imagine being in pain all day long, every day. It starts to take over and a lot of times it's pretty easy to feel overwhelmed with my life.

Anyway, I have been on meds since 2009 and had been doing a lot better since. Not perfect, but much better. However, in December of 2010 my body relapsed and it's been hell since then again. It's extremely frustrating and makes it nearly impossible to get through school so I am going back to my internal medicine doctor and I also have a new doctor I am going to try out. The sucky part is the appointments aren't until Feb 18 and Feb 22nd, but I guess it's better then never. My mom has also been a huge help lately with researching things I can do on my own to get better. I didn't ever expect her to get involved with my illness, so it actually means a great deal to me that she is stepping up and trying to assist me as best as she can.

I really hope I can find something that works for me and allows me to live a pain free and productive life. I don't want to constantly feel held back because of the fear and anxiety that comes along with this condition. I have no way of knowing what my future holds though and I certainly know now that this is out of my control. I also wondered today just how often people even notice others, especially others who are sick. Think about it. How often do we look around and pay attention to what other people are going through? I'm pretty sure most people would be shocked to know I have this condition because I push past it and hide it on a daily basis at school.

So, if there is anyone else out there (and I know there is) that is going through any type of condition where you suffer chronic pain.. just know that you are not alone. I know it's so easy to feel that way, but know you are not and know that even when it's hell that your body will have it's ups and downs. Even if you are at your lowest, you can still go up and get better.

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