Thursday, February 17, 2011

Figuring Myself Out.. All Over Again.

So, I finally have a day off from school and I am finding it SO damn hard to get motivated. I hate that. I hate that I have to struggle and push myself to get going but it's going to happen. First, I am going to procrastinate and update a little bit though.

Lately, I've been reflecting on a lot of things in my life. Some of them are more painful then others, but they are all equally important. I feel like I have constantly been trying to balance moving on with my life while not ignoring my life either and I think I've off shot a little bit to ignoring my life. I think that dwelling on the past is useless and is not going to get me anywhere so I try not to consume my days with people who have hurt me or how painful my past has been. However, the issues are still there and consuming me whether I realize it or not. They still affect me and just because you I face it doesn't mean that it's not going to shape the person I am.

The problem is that I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to face things without dwelling on them and dragging myself down. I can recognize what happened, say what I learned from it, and then make the choice to not let it hurt.. but I don't know if that's really moving on or not? What do you have to do to truly move forward?

In light of all of this, I've also realized that I don't really even know myself all that well anymore. Who I was a year ago is SUCH a different person and I guess I haven't really taken the time to get to know the person that I've become. So, that's my first step. I found a list of 62 (yes, 62!) questions that deal with self-reflection. More than likely, I won't post them here because they require you to be completely honest and vulnerable and I'm not sure I'm ready for all of cyberspace to get that much detail. It's a start, though. For now, I'm going to go exercise and get some much needed chores done.

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