Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Why It's Okay to Hurt

So, I had another moment of clarity last night. This was probably something I already knew, but I was able to embrace so much because of it. I was hit by a lot of things that have happened in my past. It is so hard sometimes to look back and see all that you have lost no matter what it is you have gone through. Part of you foolishly aches for it and it's a side that I know is child-like and naive. Then there's the part of you that misses it deeply, but knows that it will never come back. I'm not getting into specifics on purpose, in case you were wondering why I am being so vague.

The clarity that I found and it was so empowering was that every single time you lose something, something is also gained. I know, simple right? And it's not to say that I didn't know it, but to have it right in front of your face for you to examine is so much different then someone just saying you that "everything happens for a reason" or "when one door closes another opens" or some other overused clique. This is something I first noticed awhile back when I lost my dogs. As sad as I was/am that they are no longer in my life, my perspective was opened when I was able to see all the new life around me. For instance, Laila. She is only 1 1/2 years old and even though I miss my other dogs deeply, new life will always form and is something that we can embrace in this world. Death is not an easy thing to cope with and it's especially not easy when you don't necessarily believe in God, but you can still appreciate new life and I do very deeply. To know that with each death more than likely there is new life is just extraordinary and it's a reminder to appreciate your own. That's what makes life so precious is that it's not everlasting and it's something you have to make the most of.

Along with this, when you lose a relationship there are also new loves to come. This is something that was shoved right in my face last night. I feel so much grief for people I lose in my life and it is usually for really good reasons. However, I was talking to Kyle last night and we started to talk about how we met and all of our early memories of falling in love. You know, that crazy unimaginable feeling that only rarely presents itself. I started to realize mid conversation that I have so much to be happy about. Yes, I lost someone in my life and it is still hard to this day, but it allowed me to meet someone else in my life. Someone who I am really glad to say is very important to me and someone who is more than likely going to be in my life a long time (that's my cautious scared side in case you were wondering). I lost everything and I had to pick myself back up and then I found this. This amazing peace in knowing that even though life can be horrendous sometimes and it may feel like everything is ending that somewhere out there your next opportunity is waiting for you. You just have to have the courage to go out and there and find your true happiness, whatever it may be.

I wish this for everyone because it is truly amazing and I'm glad it faced me head on, finally. Not to say that I still won't struggle some days, but I will always be able to remind myself to keep looking forward.

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